Marginal

I’ve seen miracles occur at 30,000 feet, and have been told by many Southwest Airlines agents that it’s fairly common to see people use a wheelchair to get on the plane and then walk away with no problem when the plane lands. Though I’ve tried many times, I’ve yet to experience that miracle myself. Perhaps there is another explanation. Though I try to stay upbeat and positive, and to believe that most people are genuinely good, flying tests that effort. Too often, the people who pre-board with me and jockey for the best seats in the plane upfront don’t really need to be there, and are oblivious to the needs and challenges of those who do. Many are not above exaggerating their limitations, and some are even capable of faking a disability, as long as they are first on and first off the plane. Once, on a flight to Las Vegas, I saw a young woman make a big fuss about an injured ankle that was haphazardly wrapped and even ask for an extra seat to prop up her leg. It was easy for me to see because she was in the row in front of me, where it would have been much easier for me to get up after the flight. Later that afternoon, I saw her in Bellagio, walking with not even a limp, and I tried to lock eyes with her from my wheelchair. Though I didn’t say a thing, the recognition in her face told me that my message was delivered. Most people are far more gracious and generous than these flying frauds, but there is enough of the selfish behavior that Southwest noticed, and has tried to address by eliminating open seating. Unfortunately, that makes traveling more difficult for people like me. I still get to pre-board, but I now must stand and shuffle my way to an assigned seat farther toward the back of the plane. Almost always in our society, a very small percentage of people, like the flying frauds, cause problems that adversely affect everyone else. Unfortunately, their behavior tends to distract us from truly good people. I was reminded of that at the gym the other day. I typically exercise over the noon hour during the week, and I keep my routine intense but relatively brief. My goal is to do 32 sets of weight-training exercises, over eight different stations, in 32 to 35 minutes. That means that I’m constantly moving, and don’t have time to look at my phone. At that time of day, there are many other professionals also using their lunch hour to exercise, and they follow a similar schedule to maximize results in a compressed period of time, but there are exceptions. Some people will monopolize a piece of equipment for more than 30 minutes, checking their phones between each set, oblivious to anyone else who might want to use the equipment that they’re on. On this day, a guy that I have confronted in the past about this started on a machine as I was only two sets into my workout. I tried to be cordial and wait my turn, but nearly 30 minutes and 26 sets later, when I was done with all of my other stations, he was still there, looking at his phone. Even when I tried to speed him up by asking how much longer he would be, he didn’t budge. I left the gym angry that day, though every other person I encountered was smiling and kind. That’s not how I like to live, and I was disappointed in myself for letting negative emotions dominate my thoughts. I let a very minor irritation distract me from all that was good around me, and I focused on something I couldn’t control instead of appreciating all that I could.  There are always going to be people who get under our skin, if we let them. Our job is to look past them and direct our attention to the vast majority of people who are good. It’s a much more peaceful way to live. Unfortunately, we occasionally need flying frauds and gym goons to remind us of that.

About six months ago, I received a letter from a clinic telling me that my five years were up, and it was time for me to call to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. Because that procedure and the preparation for it are awfully unpleasant, I didn’t respond to the letter until last week. If you’ve ever experienced a colonoscopy, perhaps you can forgive my procrastination. After five minutes on hold, I was ready to give up on the call, maybe take it as a sign to buy more time, but Lynda sat near me, looking at me with eyes that said further procrastination would be most unwelcome. At last, a very pleasant voice greeted me on the other end of the line. I joked with her that she was WAY more enthusiastic about the call than I was. She laughed and assured me that she understood my hesitation, but that she was going to make it as easy as possible. Her job was to field reluctant calls from unenthusiastic patients, and then to ask them questions about their bowel movements. For veterans of the procedure like me, she breezed over the details of the preparation that consists of clearing your system with a barrage of intestinal stimulants, and then ended the call with reassurance that it won’t be that bad, and that having the procedure is the responsible thing to do. When I hung up the phone, I thought about how the appointment maker’s attitude made the experience better for both of us. Had she matched my level of enthusiasm and negativity, we probably still would have accomplished the required task, but we would have done so in a way that didn’t reflect our humanity. Then, I thought about how that call was a reminder of how warmth and empathy bring peace to those lucky enough to be around them. The receptionist’s job was to have conversations with people who didn’t want to talk to her and to ask them awkward questions about something as off-putting as their digestive tendencies. That’s certainly a lot to overcome, but she did it like a professional. By the time I hung up the phone, I could feel stress and tension leaving my body. We have many opportunities to do the same thing – not to ask people uncomfortable questions about bodily functions, but to lighten our tone and use empathy to make others more comfortable and bring peace to the world around us. When we encounter people obviously having a rough day, we should be sensitive to their fragility and treat them as we would want to be treated. Even when the bad day isn’t obvious, a little extra warmth and empathy is worth the effort and usually improves our days too. I know this, because I’m often blessed to be on the receiving end of these transactions. Because of my obvious disability, most people soften when meeting me. Even those who I see frequently, like people at the gym, go out of their way to be kind and helpful to me. Of course, I reciprocate, and after a while, it’s just the way that we interact with each other.  That’s a good way to live, and the colonoscopy scheduler reminded me of that. Though I had never met her, I could tell that she cared enough about me as a patient to extend the extra effort of humanity. Think about a world where we all do that every time we interact with each other.